So I'm not the mass marketer's dream. This is the first in a diatribe of how I just don't seem to be the typical American.

I don't like, nor can I drink coffee.  I am not one of the Americans that consume 400 million cups of coffee per day. The United States imports in excess of $4 Billion worth of coffee per year, making the United States the leading consumer of coffee in the world.

However, I'm not a contributor. I can't be tempted with a double-mocha-latte-half-caff-twisted-creme or even a black with two sugars. Starbucks spent almost half a billion dollars on advertising last year and the average American tossed more than $1,100 on their coffee habit. All that marketing money may as well be thrown in the wood burner in the coffee house when it comes to me. Even more, I'm lactose intolerant, so that trims even more of your main streaming from me as a target. Even if I liked the putrid taste of perfectly good H2O filtered through the ground-up offspring of a weed, I couldn't drink it because it makes me ill. It's like liquid Ex-Lax. Yuck.

I spent $0.00 on coffee since 1960 and that won't increase at any time.

Next: Why on earth does anyone like to drink a liquid that they can pour into a bread pan, place in an oven at 350°F for 30 minutes and create bread? They call it "beer"...